Mommy, what's a slutpuppy?

Those who know me well know that I am a big fan of made up words. Foshe (short for fo' sho' short for for sure). Obvs (short for obvious). But my favorite fake word creation is slutpuppy.

I won't reveal the origination of the word, but I started using it about three years ago, and it's caught on so much, all my friends know what I'm talking about when I use it. So, what does it mean. Well, in my mind, when I say slutpuppy, I'm talking about some wide-eyed youngish girl who is just enamored with some guy, without actually knowing that much about him, and unwilling to acknowledge that he might have some flaws. The guy is usually significantly older than the girl, and the girl is likely pretty naive and easily impressed. And the age difference has to increase for slutpuppy qualification as the woman gets older. For example, a 20-year-old girl with a 25 or 26-year-old guy could absolutely be a slutpuppy. But if the woman were 40, the man would more likely be closer to 55. I know it's arbitrary, but since it's my word, I get to make the rules :-).

What's funny, though, is that after I'd been using this word for a while, I had the bright idea to look it up on google one day--you know, to see if anyone was as creative as me :-). One problem though--I decided to do this at work. Well, as you can imagine, searching for anything with the word "slut" in the name is likely to pull up a lot of porn. I spend the next 2 weeks convinced that I was going to get fired for searching for porn at work. Luckily for me, I wasn't.

But when I searched again (at home of course) I discovered that Urban Dictionary has two definitions, one of which is basically the opposite of mine (i.e., a man who "likes the ladies"). So, next time you spot a slutpuppy, feel free to steal my made-up word. Or just buy her a t-shirt!

PS-Wondering if there's male equivalent to the slutpuppy? Of course there is! The male of the species is known by "slutkitten," although I have to say, for me, it's been harder to use. But maybe that's just because there are fewer slutkittens in the world...:-)

Reality TV Funhouse

I had a brilliant idea last night about how to make television more interesting--television show "cross overs!"

Like, what about if the smoke monster (aka "Smokey") came out of the refrigerator on the Biggest Loser went to eat something they weren't supposed to?

Or if the contestants on Dancing with the Stars had to train on a Survivor-style island and could only eat bugs and fish and all the nasty other stuff they eat?

I'm just saying it could make things a whole lot more interesting...

Next thing you know, we'll be standing in line for bread and potatoes...

You probably know that Joseph McCarthy was a Republic Senator from the state of Wisconsin, best known for pursuit of alleged "Communists" during the Cold War.

What you might not know is that we've got a McCarthy-style witchhunt going on right in our midst. Michael Rosenberg, a Detroit Free Press "journalist," wrote this article back at the end of August, alleging that the U of M football program had violated a variety of NCAA rules. This ignited a firestorm on the blogosphere, with allegations being hurled back and forth, and any reasonable person coming to the conclusion that the Free Press writers seem to have an unhealthy obsession with bringing U of M down.

It also resulted in this:

This (the article, not the photo) triggered an NCAA investigation, and today, the NCAA issued a "notice of allegations" regarding the alleged violations. What's interesting to note, though, is how this was interpreted by various parties involved. The Free Press issued an article (also co-written by Michael Rosenberg) with a headline that practically screams "NCAA alleges 5 potential major rules violations by U of M football program." I refuse on principle to actually read the article, but if you go to mgoblog.com (my personal favorite source for thoughtful U of M sports-related analysis), you'll discover that there were more like three violations, only one of which could be considered *major* (the QC assistants overstepping their bounds and performing prohibited coaching activities--see the mgoblog article for more info).

At this point, the Free Press basically *has* to backpedal (although we know they won't). In fact, mgoblog calls it a "free press: fail" (perhaps we could get that on failblog.org???). I won't get into the analysis of all the allegations, but it's hard to believe that any legitimate journalist in any other city would be able to get away with this type of "investigative journalism." Or that they would be employed by a respectable news organization. I don't know why Rosenberg and the rest of the Freep has it out for U of M, but I have to wonder if their audacity will ever end...

You AutoComplete Me

We've all heard the news about Google Buzz by now, right? Everyone is up in arms about the fact that Google has developed yet another way to broadcast every detail of our life to everyone around us.

But, did you know that google is also keeping track of things you're not purposely trying to broadcast? Yup, you guessed it...they're keeping track of your search terms, more commonly known as the "autocomplete" feature.

I actually read about this awhile ago, when I read a blog post by Dan Ariely, author of Predictably Irrational, a fascinating book about how and why we make our decisions. Professor Ariely's book is all about real-world application, so he decided to check up on what people were searching for on google. He started a search fragment with "how can I get my boyfriend to" and "how can I get my girlfriend to" and waited for autocomplete to kick in. This is what he came up with:



Enlightening, right? I guess, to get a guy to propose, a girl needs to give him head, lose weight, and have sex with him. Perhaps the oral sex light from my old post would come in handy during this??? A couple more searches on my own showed me just how much people rely on google to give them advice about things they should be talking to a licensed professional about. For example, when I typed in "how can I" one of the top ten results was "get pregnant." I have to say, if you're asking google, you probably shouldn't be bringing a child into this world. And when I typed in "why can't I" I got both "own a Canadian" (yes, really!!!!) and our old favorite, "get pregnant." Apparently, google is the new sex ed, or maybe this is the result of eight years of abstinence-only education. Either way, just remember that when you're searching, google is watching...


PS-In case you need some entertainment that's right up there with the fail blog, there's a whole site dedicated to crazy autocompletes. Check it out here

Do We Have to Accommodate Stupid People?

I have to admit that I was at least partly inspired to write this post after witnessing the terrible driving that goes on when it starts to snow. Let's make this clear, people--when it's snowing, you don't have to drive like a grandma, and you don't need to drive like a maniac. This is one of those instances where there really is a happy medium--it's also known as cautious, defensive driving.

Seriously though, I was reading this article over the weekend and really got to thinking about how much influence uneducated, uninformed people have on our day-to-day lives and how much their ignorance is accommodated.

For example, I haven't talked about it yet on the blog, but I recently bought a brand new Ford Fusion hybrid. It's an amazing car and quite frankly, I am a little bit obsessed with it (I named her Hydi, but that's for another post). As you've probably heard, Toyota has issued a recall for its 3rd generation Prius after it developed issues with its brakes. While reading about this online, I found another article discussing that Ford was recalling some of their Fusion and Milan hybrids. Naturally, I was concerned, but as I read the article, I quickly discovered that there was nothing actually wrong with the brakes. Instead, when the car switches from the regenerative braking system (the part that makes it a hybrid) to conventional hydraulic braking, the brake pedal "drops," which causes "some people [to] perceive that condition as a loss of brakes." I've felt this shift in the brake pedal. It doesn't drop. And remember, if you keep the brake pedal depressed (like you usually would when you're braking), you maintain full braking capability. Apparently, this all started when a Consumer Reports engineer was test-driving a Fusion hybrid, felt the brake pedal "drop," thought the brakes were failing, and for some inexplicable reason, then released the brake pedal and drove through a stop sign. So now Ford is offering to fix the "problem," which is NOT an actual problem. And we're back to accommodating stupid people. When does it stop?

Let's talk about sex...

I know we haven't really gotten personal yet on this blog, but I have to reveal something...

When I'm feeling down, I sometimes comfort myself with a quick visit to failblog.org. Have you been there before? It may be a little sick, but I always feel a little bit better about myself after I've been there.

They've always got some classic fails. But, I saw one the other day at work that surprised even me:


see more Epic Fails

Are you as shocked as I was? (And are you even more shocked that my work doesn't block access to this but I can't get on facebook???) At first, I thought it was some kind of joke, and your first instinct might be that this was photoshopped by some fraternity boy with too much time on his hands. However, you'd be incorrect. A quick search reveals that you can actually purchase this product on Amazon for the low, low price of $7.35 (discounted from the original $14.00 price). You probably won't be surprised to discover that there aren't any product reviews.

But, let's think about this (semi) seriously for a moment. If anyone is going near my business and he needs a light to figure out what's what, I'm pretty sure I don't want him down there. And I wouldn't be able to avoid constantly thinking that some guy was wearing a bluetooth headset while moving toward my lady bits. But if close-up illumination of your privates is what turns you on, then I guess this product is for you!

PS-Because we're trying to mention the Snuggie as often as possible around here, you'll be pleased to discover that there's a whole website dedicated to SnuggieSex. Are you thoroughly disturbed now?

Snuggies are forever

I know we've already talked about the Snuggie pretty extensively on this site, but I know you've still been dealing with at least one burning question, and jennipedia is here to provide answers. So, is the Snuggie worthy of one of the world's greatest spies? See for yourself...
Maybe they need to start making a custom Snuggie with a bulletproof lining. Just sayin'

I can't talk right now, I'm in a war

We've all heard of call of duty, right? Every girl I know who has guy friends, a boyfriend, or a husband has at least one ridiculous story about how far guys will go to play this game. One night, a friend and I came back to her place from an evening out to discover her husband and two friends playing the game projected onto a sheet draped over the entrance to their living room. We had to wait until a break in the action to even move the sheet!

Well, I recently discovered that there might be hope for the ladies when it comes to understanding this obsession with video games. Apparently, the people who created call of duty and the twilight series have decided to collaborate to create a brand new type of video game. Called "Twilight: Modern Warfare 2," this version will appeal to both boys, men, teenaged girls, and middle-aged women, as it features all the action of the original call of duty, as well as shirtless shots of "Moonbeam" (you guessed it, Jacob the werewolf) and "Sparkles" staring moodily off into nowhere (Edward Cullen, whose chest "sparkles in the sun").

While I'm not a huge Twilight fan (and have actually played the actual call of duty), I think the creative forces behind this combo are on to something. Let's just imagine the possibilities. For example, with Madden or any of the other sports games, they could add an option where you could select certain players to play shirtless or have a "level" where you can go into the locker room and "interview" players for points. Or maybe instead of the chubby Mario and Luigi on Super Mario Brothers, you got the JoBros (again, appealing to the Twilight set), Brad and George (Pitt and Clooney, respectively), or Jude Law and Colin First (if, like me, you have a thing for accents). I think I might be onto something...what do you think???

When a regular snuggie is just not good enough

After reading my last post, I bet you're wondering how you can stay warm and look stylish (I'll admit, that's pretty hard in long underwear...). Well, my friends, JCPenney has come up with the solution:



It's called the "snuggLe suit," but we all know what it really is: a SNUGGIE suit! It comes in four colors and is on sale at jcpenney.com for $24.99. The original price is $60, and the real question here is, who would seriously pay $60 for what amounts to a velour pantsuit with a waist tie??? I suppose it is better than the real snuggie, whose biggest flaw is contained in its own description--it's a blanket with sleeves, which means it's open in the back. With the snuggLe suit, there's no risk of accidental ass exposure, that's for sure. I guess the next logical question is when they'll start selling a snuggLe suit for dogs!

Are there waffles in your long underwear?

Since this is my first post, a brief note about what I'll be doing--I'll be answering questions, providing commentary (about my life and the world around me), and--hopefully--entertaining you!

With that in mind, I've gotten my first question, provided on a freaking freezing cold trip into Meijer for car floormats. Because you can't just buy one thing at Meijer, my shopping partner picked up some long underwear (on sale of $6.99!!!) and asked me why long underwear has waffle weave. And, my lovely reader(s), this is how is works: you ask, and I find the answer...

Long johns, also known as long underwear, are two-piece garments worn underneath clothing to provide an extra layer of warmth. The tiny pockets in the waffle design keep your body warm by trapping body heat and holding it against your skin. The waffle weave design actually works so well in keeping you warm that it hasn't really changed that much over the years.

Inspired to go out and buy some long underwear after reading this post? Try here.
I feel warmer already! Well, that's all I have on this cold January night, but I'm here to answer your questions. Remember, nothing's off limits!

PS-In my research for this post, I found a website dedicated to men's panties." It should not be that easy to get "men's panties" when you type in "waffle weave long underwear" as your search terms. I mean, I'm a smartypants, but there are some things even I don't want to know about. Do you hear me, Google?